meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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