I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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