your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize