so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
