Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
