Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My breasts were aching with rage.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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