Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
