I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize