you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
