kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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