I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
