I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
