Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I will pee on everything he values.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
