Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
