if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
