the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
