Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
