And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
