I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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