The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
