I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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