I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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