Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
