there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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