Someone shit on the floor
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
