walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
