smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
