I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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