I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
