U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
