Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
