Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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