Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
