i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
