everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
