when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
3 2 1 whiskey
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
