we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
