just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
