I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
