last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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