Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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