Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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