I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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