i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize