My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
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