What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
