I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
