onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
