Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
