There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
