Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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