I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
