I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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