Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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