The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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