The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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