"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
