I want to have your abortion
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
