i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
