Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
