I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
