as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
