No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
