My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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