he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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