Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
