my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize