I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
