I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
