4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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