A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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