I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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