I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
