I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
