Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
