just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
