just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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