I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
