I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
