I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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