i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
