i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
