dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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