You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
