Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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