i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
