you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
