She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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